A Beautiful Mess

A Sexual Abuse and Addiction Recovery Blog

Freedom of Choice – Victim vs. Survivor

“Being a friend to yourself means believing and treating yourself in ways that are consistent with your belief that although we are victimized in life, being the victim is a free choice. We are free to choose.”

Sana Johnson-Quijada MD

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“…gifts from suffering…”

While in treatment at The Healing Center, I found that I heard this phrase a lot: “…gifts from suffering…”

That’s pretty deep to me.

A lot of times I can spend time dwelling on all of the losses and all of the pain and just basically stay focused on my trauma in the past.  But when I think about what my gifts are from suffering, I feel “the journey”.

Although there have been and will be times that seem dismal and overwhelming… the tides of life keep it moving.  It truly is a journey.

My gift from suffering is the ability to tune into another person’s emotions on a very empathic level.  I feel their pain.  I feel their joy.  While it’s a bit much sometimes, it is a gift.  I feel as though I can relate to people and show a level of compassion that people who have never experienced trauma could.  I feel comfort in seeking those people out, because they understand, I understand.  It’s a connection that a lot of people in life will never experience.  I feel like I am alive, alert… aware that life is precious but can be gone in the blink of an eye.  And just because we are breathing most certainly does not mean we are alive.

Blessed with gifts from suffering.

I ask you, my friend, can you identify a gift from your suffering?

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I Will Not Give Up

I’ve been sitting here racking my brains trying to utilize tools that I have been given to live a healthy and fruitful life… but I am still kind of floundering with “mom issues”.  I can’t make sense of it in a way that doesn’t deeply pain me.  I am still having a hard time dealing with accepting it for what it was.  I don’t know how to deal with this on my own so I did make an appointment with a therapist.  Just another hoop to jump along my path to recovery and wholeness.  I have faith in the process and I will not give up on myself.

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No Rhyme, No Reason

I am extremely thankful for today.  I am enjoying the solitude and the silence.  An occasional sound of the keys clicking, but for the most part, it’s like a comforting melody to my soul.  In the moment… I feel blessed, grateful, relaxed, contemplative, hopeful, strong and beautiful.

I know my own heart.  I know my own intentions.  I’m truly beginning to become my own friend.  I no longer despise the woman I see in the mirror.  It’s like I’m waking up from a nightmare to find out it was all real.

I survived.

Wow.

That alone, is an amazing statement considering what I have been through.

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Lost My Religion

I look back at my blog and see where I lost my religion, somewhere along the way.  I still consider myself to be very spiritual.  But I look to mother nature, the sun and the beauty all around.  I no longer associate with Christianity.

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” – Gandhi

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I Like Living.

Blessed Quotes

I like living. Agatha Christie Quote.

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Being My Own Friend – Connecting With the World

When I hit a bump along my recovery journey, I will continue to reference back here:

Connect With Others to Get Friendly With Yourself

Crafting has been very therapeutic for me lately.  Makes for nice gifts and the feeling of creating something so beautiful is validating to my inner child.

 

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You are not alone…

You are not alone!

You are not alone.

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Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules For Living

At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama issued eighteen rules for living.

1.

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3.

Follow the three Rs: (R)espect for self, (R)espect for others, and take (R)esponsibility for all your actions.
4.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5.

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6.

Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8.

Spend some time alone every day.

9.

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11.

Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12.

A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14.

Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15.

Be gentle with the earth.

16.

Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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