A Beautiful Mess

A Sexual Abuse and Addiction Recovery Blog

No Love Lost

on February 11, 2011

Bah.  Got a call from “jerkface”.  I’m so not referring to these people by real name, nor will I refer to them as my family.  Tired of perpetuating abuse by seeking the love and validation from people who protect my abusers / perpetrators, what have you.  It’s disgusting that somehow in all of this mess, they try and hide it all so much.  And then to want to have a “secret” relationship with me because they don’t want to rock the boat.  Well, let me help you… I’ll change my number, cut ties and move on.  That way you can sit in your boat with the comfort of all of them and just enjoy “being” ((insert heavy sarcasm)).  I don’t need anyone to support me … “secretly”.  Either you do or you don’t, but no love lost.  Because I’m tired of seeking and searching and trying to make amends with people who hurt me and continue to do so.  Feel free to carry on with your lives and just know that I am no longer silent, but fret not, I do not wish to confront any of my abusers.  Why would I do something like that when they don’t have half a sense in their damn brain anyways and they continuously lie to themselves to stay safe inside this fake ass world they created so that they can cope.  I choose to be enlightened.  Get me the hell out of this dark closet with all of you.  I don’t care anymore.  I throw my hands up and I give up.  I am not interested in seeking validation from any of my abusers anymore.  I was just a very confused child who didn’t know any better.  But now that I am a grown woman and I can see things for what they are… I’m all good.  I forgive every last one of them, but for my own good, I am not pursuing any type of relationship with any of them from this day forward.

It’s bittersweet.

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