A Beautiful Mess

A Sexual Abuse and Addiction Recovery Blog

Strong Urge to Use

on September 19, 2010

On Friday, I resisted an urge to use that was insane.  My whole body was shaking.  I was experiencing all the symptoms as if I had used, but I hadn’t.  I recognized the irrational thought that brought me to almost rationalizing why I could or should use.  That irrational thought was, “what’s the point?  why bother?”.  A friend had upset me and I immediately thought to sabotage it all just because.  I didn’t use.  But the urge lasted almost three hours.  It did peak and then VERY SLOWLY went away.  Rough day, but I had made it through.  The fact that I had a get together with family the next day helped a lot, but even that in itself wasn’t enough.  I had to completely divert my attention to other things.  I cried like a baby for the next two days.  Been an emotional roller coaster, but I can do this.

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