A Beautiful Mess

A Sexual Abuse and Addiction Recovery Blog

Safety First vs. Friend First ((I feel like I know the answer, but I’m in denial))

on May 12, 2010

I have group tonight.  That is really good right about now.  Deathly scared of going home this weekend for a friend’s bachelorette party.  I’m just doing the dinner.  But still, I am leery of the situation.  And while it’s all about me during my recovery, I just can’t seem to selfishly miss these important events for my friend.  I am going to go early to group tonight so that I can talk to one of the counselors.  I just have to know if I am doing the right thing or not.  I’m so indecisive about it.  I want to go to be there for her, but I don’t want to in an attempt to keep myself safe from possible scenarios arising.  Is this isolation though?  Arrrgh!

So it’s safety first vs. friend first.  I’m in denial.  I know the answer.  I just don’t know how to cope or deal.  Feel horrible and stuck between a rock and a hard spot.

I don’t know if it’s too much coffee this morning or what, but I’m not feeling spectacular.  And the longer I go without drinking, the scarier it gets… waiting for the inevitable, like the other foot to drop.  Regardless, a bunch of emotions.  Nauseous.

Positive note: Day 18 completed, working on Day 19.  Just for today…

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