A Beautiful Mess

A Sexual Abuse and Addiction Recovery Blog

Marijuana and Depression

on May 7, 2010

All of a sudden, I am being hit with a bit of depression, I think.  I am not wanting to get out of my pajamas.  I want to stay in bed all day.  Today, once I make it through it, will be my 14 day marker of no drinking 🙂  It’s quite the mile marker.  However, this past week has been an eye opener.  I did indulge in a joint (marijuana) and I feel overwhelmed with guilt.  Marijuana has never been an issue with me as far as my addictions, but I did justify it because God put it here on Earth.  But I do feel bad because I want to live sober, not just not drunk.  I didn’t think it would be an issue for me, but now that I am listening to myself and the overwhelming guilt – I’ve decided that I need to leave that alone as well.

Anyways, I don’t want to negate the fact that I have been doing great with the other things.  Cocaine and alcohol are not present in my body.  Yay.  The marijuana, while it was wrong, was definitely a lessor of three evils.  However, I will not justify it’s presence and usage in my life simply because it is grown from the Earth.  It is still mind altering and I want to be sure that I am doing this the right way.  I don’t want to smoke the weed because I think that it will eventually lead to the justification of other things.

We talked about boundaries in class this week.  Boundaries aren’t just set for other people.  I must set boundaries with myself, as well.  I have really justified my newest overeating habits by saying I’d rather gain 20lbs than to be using again, but that isn’t good either.  I want to be healthy all the way around and not just take short cuts.

Living life on life’s terms.  I need to stop with the excuses for some poor choices on my behalf and really do things right.  No point in faking the funk, the only person I’m attempting to fool is myself.

And for me, the marijuana leaves me with no motivation to do anything and make me incredibly sleepy.  So while most won’t go on a killing spree while on it, most probably won’t do ANYTHING on it.  And that’s not a good thing.  It may be the very reason for the increased feeling of depression this past week.

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2 responses to “Marijuana and Depression

  1. redheadlaw7 says:

    Keep at it. Every day can be a struggle when there are so many things we can put in our body that will make it easier for the moment. I know I break down and drink every now and then and it always seems like such a good idea at the time. It takes about 3 days in a row of screwing up before my mood is shot and I can’t remember what it’s like to feel rested, happy and normal. Then I have to start over…again. Keep reminding yourself of how great you feel when you fight it off. I’m realizing more and more that the hangovers just aren’t worth it anymore. Life is too short to feel like that. Stay in touch. I think we may have a lot in common.

    Christine

  2. Thank you for the kind words. I did enjoy stumbling across your blog. I could relate to a lot of what was being said. Keep on keeping on girlfriend 🙂

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